Wishful thinking

I found it today that I am not a person who processes anymore wishful thinking.

I don't believe in the eudaimonian formula of happiness or blessing.
I do not know how to believe in this.
I have lost this ability to imagine an analogy to a benevolent God that really judges.

Though life is cruel, it could still be taken as a gift,
which we could not have it ourselves nor experience without.
The main reason for me to live a life is to experience.
Not only to experience life itself;
but also to experience the experience itself,
which we are not able to do without this bodily existence.

Thank God, if there is one, not for the blessing through our lives
but for the lives that I have not done anything that deserves it.